It took two directors, two executive producers, three producers, four writers, and very bad acting to ruin Down to Earth, starring Chris Rock as a Harlem comic who dies before his time, then is sent back to earth in a different body.

    In Hollywood's share-the-blame standards, this film is a Paramount release of a Village Roadshow Pictures presentation in association with NPV Entertainment of an Alphaville 3 Arts Entertainment production.

    The 2001 mid-winter bomb is the current remake of three previous critical and box office successes. More telling than the cauldron of producers and companies is this is the fourth version of a late 1930s Broadway hit, written by Harry Seagall. The first movie version, Here Comes Mr. Jordan, had one director, one producer, and one production company. Starring Robert Montgomery as a boxer, with all-star actors Edward Everett Horton and Claude Raines, the film became a critical success. In 1947, Columbia remade the film as Down to Earth, with Rita Hayworth as a muse sent to help a struggling Broadway musical. Like its predecessor, there was only one director, one producer, and one production company. And, like the 1941 version, it too, was a box-office critical hit. Three decades later, Warren Beatty starred as a quarterback in Heaven Can Wait, with a screenplay by Beatty and Elaine May. This time, there were three producers, including Beatty--and seven Academy Award nominations.

    It took a director, four producers, an executive producer, a co-producer, an associate producer, and a couple of writers to create Sweet November, another recent bomb, this one starring Keanu Reeves as an uptight ad exec and Charlize Theron as a free spirit with a terminal secret who entices and enchants men, forces them to explore their lives and values, then leaves them a month later.

    The 1968 movie, starring Sandy Dennis and Anthony Newley, and written by Herman Raucher, had only two producers, and significantly better writing, acting, and directing. More important, it easily had twice the charm of the remake which showcases the Hollywood new age reality that cameras and editing can make even mediocre actors appear on screen as multimillion dollar properties.

    3000 Miles to Graceland credits three producers, two associate producers, a co-producer, and three executive producers, more than Elvis himself had at the height of his fame. See Spot Run, with a mastiff outacting David Arquette and almost everyone else, required eight writers, three producers, three executive producers, and two co- executive producers. Heartbreaker, a sometimes funny story of a mother-daughter con team (Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt) who seduce wealthy men, needed three executive producers, two producers, and one line producer, all of them men. Chocolat, nominated for Best Picture, but more realistically a cream among junk food, carried three producers, four executive producers, and a co- producer. Traffic, the poster-child of the DEA and also an Academy Award nominee, required three producers and five executive producers.

    Gone With the Wind and Citizen Kane, unarguably the top two films ever created, each had only one producer.

    For television productions, to the mix of producers, executive producers, line producers, co-producers, and co- executive producers, add in a few supervising producers. For talk shows, add at least a half dozen associate producers, most of whom are responsible for making phone calls.

    On newspapers, the reporter who rewrites press releases might be the one-person automotive editor/real estate editor/air transportation editor. Her boss--who also supervises the books editor/films editor/fashion editor--might be the associate managing editor for features who reports to a managing editor for features, supposedly a separate but equal title to the managing editor for news, the managing editor for sports, and the administrative managing editor.

    In the corporate structure of the larger book publishing companies are a plethora of editorial assistants, assistant editors, associate editors, editors, senior editors, executive editors, and a mix of various levels of vice-presidents, some of whom may even be literate.

    Banks, like most of the print mass media, pay their staffs poorly. But, in an age when titles are handed out to minimize penury salaries, anemic benefits, and pathetic working conditions, banks hand out vice-presidencies with as much regularity as they create new fees. At the Wells Fargo Bank, in addition to one chairman and a president, are seven vice-chairs, 55 executive vice-presidents, and 253 senior vice-presidents. The Bank of America has six vice-chairs, 22 group executive vice- presidents, and 10 executive vice-presidents. Lower-level vice- presidents at most banks, even the friendly neighborhood community bank that prides itself on smiley $8 an hour tellers, are a wad of senior vice-presidents, deputy vice-presidents, associate vice-presidents, and assistant vice-presidents.

    The American auto industry, adept at downsizing hourly production workers, apparently needs its upper-level management to act as a buffer to the work force. General Motors has three executive vice-presidents, two senior vice-presidents, and 46 ordinary vice-presidents. Ford has four executive vice- presidents, four group vice-presidents, and 31 vice-presidents. Daimler Chrysler, a leaner trimmer company owned by Germans, boasts only three executive vice-presidents and 18 vice- presidents.

    Academics, the cradle of grade inflation, has also succumbed to Title Inflation. At the mid-size university where I teach are four vice-presidents, each with an assistant vice-president. If corporate America, which already owns the government, could figure out a way to amend the Constitution, we might now return to a structure of electing an elite board of directors, which we'll call the Senate, which will then elect a chairman of the board and CEO who will oversee thousands of vice-presidents, instead of just thousands of politically-appointed special assistants, deputy special assistants, cabinet secretaries, undersecretaries, deputy undersecretaries, and assistant secretaries.

Copyright 2001 Walter M. Brasch